Self-compassion: keeping a self-compassion journal
The word ‘compassion’, originating from the Latin word 'compati', means ‘to suffer together with’. So when we share a common distressing experience with someone else, we have compassion for each other as we are suffering together. That said, we do not have to be in the same boat to show compassion for other people. We can be moved by the suffering of another person even when we are free from such distress ourselves.
Compassion motivates us to go out of our way to help the physical, mental, or emotional pains of someone else. Wouldn’t it be great if we did this for ourselves? Buddha is reputed to have said “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete” and there’s a lot of truth in that. Self-compassion is so important to our mental health and happiness.
“Self-compassion is nurturing yourself with all the kindness and love you would shower on someone you cherish” ~ Dalai Lama
Dr Kristin Neff, one of the leading researchers into self-compassion, explains that there are three elements of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity and kindness. Mindfulness in this sense is about recognising what you are experiencing in an accepting and non-judgmental way. Common humanity is about recognising that you are not alone, that other people out there are experiencing similar emotions, going through similar experiences, and that suffering is part of the human experience. Life isn’t perfect. You are not perfect. And that’s ok! Kindness does what it says on the tin. Showing yourself understanding, comfort and that you care about yourself are all part of this. But most importantly is ensuring that your internal voice and the way you think about yourself is kind, gentle and reassuring.
One of the ways the researchers have encouraged participants in their programs to increase self-compassion is through keeping a self-compassion journal so I thought I'd share with you what that involves so that you can develop more self-compassion in your life.
Each day, review the events of the day in your journal. Write down anything that you felt bad about, anything you judged yourself for, or any difficult experience that caused you emotional pain. For each ‘entry’, use mindfulness, a sense of common humanity, and kindness to process what happened in a self-compassionate way. So as mentioned above, when you apply mindfulness to it, write down the emotions and thoughts you had whilst trying to be accepting and non-judgmental of yourself and what happened. Don’t belittle the experience but at the same time try not to be overly dramatic about it either. When you apply a sense of common humanity to it, write about how your experience was connected to the larger human experience, recognising that you are not alone and that it's ok to feel the way you are. When you apply self-kindness, write some nice things about yourself, understanding words to comfort and reassure you and let yourself know you care.
This journal exercise helps you to be more self-compassionate, which can reduce self-criticism, regulate your emotions, reduce stress and anxiety, and lift your mood. It is a great way to start being easier on yourself.
This is the first in a series of blog posts on the subject of self-compassion. Self-compassion is something I use a lot myself and with clients these days and wanted to share its benefits with you too.
To learn more about compassion, pick up a FREE Introduction to Compassion guide here.
References:
Neff, K (2011) Self Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself up and Leave Insecurity Behind