How do you look in your mind’s eye?
When you think about social situations, speaking in a meeting or giving a presentation, how do you look? Do you see yourself standing there speaking to the people around you? Or are you in that version of you, seeing the situation play out like you were there once more? In this post, I’m going to discuss these points of view in more detail, how they might hinder you, and how you can use them for your benefit.
Wells, Clark and Ahmed (1998) found that when people with social phobia recall memories of social situations, they were more likely to see themselves from an external point of view rather than seeing it through their own eyes. Clark and Wells (1995) suggest this happens because of the attention of a person with social phobia shifts to making detailed observations and monitoring of themselves. This information is then used to construct a negative impression of their ‘public self’. This impression may be an inferred one, for example, if they feel very anxious and shaky they imagine that they look anxious and shaky, or they may imagine they look exactly how they fear they might appear to others. This self-focused processing, as it is known, can have a devastating effect on anxiety and other emotional disorders as these memories of events are used as evidence to support the person's negative beliefs and inevitably maintains the problem.
You’d think that focusing on a situation from the observer position, you’d have a more accurate view of what went on. But the self-focus can often mean that they don’t see what’s going on with the other person involved in the conversation. They focus on how they look and miss how the other people around them are. They see their awkwardness and difficulty in conversing but miss that the other person is engaged in the conversation and comfortable in their presence. They see the times they stumbled on a word or didn’t explain something succinctly but miss that the other person also did the same.
Whilst we cannot necessarily change how our brain recalls memories, we can use hypnosis and mental imagery to gain an alternative perspective on a situation, so that you can see the bigger picture, allowing you to have a very different experience.
Here are 5 ways that you can use a different viewpoint to feel better in social situations:
Sculpt a new you. Instead of seeing a you who is as anxious as they feel or looks how you fear you’ll come across, imagine that you can edit and reshape this image of you, a you that looks comfortable in their surroundings, engaging in the conversation, and looking calm. Take your time to develop and create this ideal you. Then, you can either place this edited version of you back in that old social situation to create a different memory of the experience or you can step into the edited version of you, imagine that you become that you in all ways, notice the thoughts and feelings that this you has about the situation and yourself.
Update the memory. Recall a social situation that perhaps didn’t go how you wanted it to or that you felt uncomfortable in. See yourself in the situation as if you are watching a film. Notice you in that situation but be objective. Don’t just notice what didn’t go well, notice the things that went ok too. Then start to open up your perspective to notice what was happening with the other people in the situation. Notice how they spoke to you, how they responded, what their body language was like, etc. Again, be objective here. Then think about what resources or advice that old you could make use of. When you have a sense of this, step into that old you and accept and integrate those resources and advice. Imagine and experience the change that comes with these resources, advice, and a greater perspective on things.
Create a future memory. Imagine a time in the future where things have started to change in how you feel in social situations. See yourself in a typical social situation thinking, feeling and behaving in the way that you would like to. Just know that it will happen, that you can have a very different experience of social situations. Then step into that future you and experience it as if you were there, you being how you would like to be. See what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel. And just know and believe that this will happen.
Get a different perspective. If you worry about how you are perceived by other people, you might be wondering how seeing things from another person’s perspective can be useful in helping you to feel better in social situations. But changing perceptual position when recalling a situation can allow you to gain new insight. First, be you, and recall a social situation that didn’t go according to plan or that you didn’t feel comfortable in. Notice what comes up. Then ‘be’ the other person or persons that were present and see what they would have seen happening with you. Be objective here. You are being them, not you, so try not to let your beliefs about the situation or yourself cloud their perception of the situation. Then ‘be’ an outside observer, someone who wasn’t involved in the situation, a passer-by for instance, and see what they would have seen happening with you and the other people.
Distance yourself from the worry. If you are worried about an upcoming social situation, imagine placing the film of that worry on a screen in front of you. Watch the film of this upcoming social situation play out. Then, with the remote, take control. Drain the colour away from it, turning it black and white. Turn the sound down until it is silent. Slow it down until it eventually stops. Move further away from the screen and finally, take the power away from that worry and turn it off.
All these techniques are for you to use outside of a social situation to help you to start feeling differently about being in them. I use these techniques along with others to help support people in the changes they want to make. If you would like to find out more about how hypnotherapy can help with social anxiety and public speaking, please do get in touch.
References:
Clark, D.M. and Wells, A. (1995). A cognitive model of social phobia. In R.G. Heimberg, M. Liebowitz, D. Hope and F. Schneier (Eds), Social phobia: diagnosis, assessment and treatment (pp. 69±93). New York: Guilford.
Wells, A., Clark, D. & Ahmed, S. (1998). How do I look with my mind’s eye: Perspective taking in social phobic imagery. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 36: 631-634
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