Turning Isolation into Common Humanity: The Power of Connection in Overcoming Struggles
In the realm of mental health, it is a common sentiment that individuals often feel isolated in their struggles. Both clients and therapists have expressed the profound sense of being alone when facing challenges. This feeling of isolation is not just an emotional state; it can also lead to loneliness and a deeper sense of social and emotional isolation. This blog post will delve into the concept of 'Common Humanity'. This is a cornerstone in self-compassion and mindfulness-based approaches to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). We will explore what 'Common Humanity' means, its significance, and how it can transform the way we perceive and navigate our struggles.
At the heart of the concept of Common Humanity lies the realisation that, deep down, all human beings share a common aspiration for happiness and a desire to avoid pain and distress (Jinpa, 2016). This understanding helps to remove any sense of "otherness" (LeDoux, 2015), bringing people closer together and promoting empathy.
In 2010, Pommier conducted research that led to the development of The Compassion Scale. This includes a subscale that focuses explicitly on Common Humanity. It comprises statements such as 'everyone feels down sometimes', 'all people have weaknesses, and no one is perfect', 'despite differences, everyone feels pain', and 'suffering is a natural part of the common human experience'. These are excellent statements to revisit when feeling alone with your struggles. Although the last one may seem a little depressing, it is the reality of life. Life is full of ups and downs and will never be smooth sailing. That is why I strongly oppose the toxic positivity movement. We need to be realistic. Otherwise, we will always feel alone when we have negative thoughts or feelings, thinking that others can stay positive all the time, so why can't we?
Cultivating Common Humanity: Practical Steps
Turning theory into practice, here are some tangible steps to cultivate Common Humanity:
Through reading: Engage with literature that offers diverse perspectives on human struggles and triumphs. For example, "It's Not OK to Feel Blue and Other Lies" is an exceptional resource. Through its unique format, this book provides a tapestry of personal accounts and insights that vividly illustrate the universality of struggles. It is a powerful tool for individuals looking to acknowledge that they are not alone in their battles with mental health.
Practise Mindfulness Meditation: Engage in mindfulness exercises that recognise shared human experiences during moments of stillness. For example, consider a situation that is causing you stress or pain; think about it and how it makes you feel, both emotionally and physically. When you have this situation in mind and get in touch with the feelings associated with it, say the following things to yourself: "This is a moment of suffering. Other people feel this way. I am not alone." Bring examples to mind of people you know, famous people that experience something similar to you. Think of the people who, although they may not be experiencing exactly what you are experiencing, are suffering in a different way. Allow yourself to feel a natural sense of empathy for these people, an understanding of what they must be feeling. Start to feel the comfort in this knowledge that you are not alone, that you are connected, and share in your suffering. Say to yourself: "May we all know our own strength; may we all know we're not alone."
Engage in Empathy-Building Activities: Volunteering or participating in community projects focusing on collective well-being can be very beneficial. As a Social Presiber in the NHS, I collaborated with my clients to connect with community groups that could help reduce isolation, build relationships and provide comfort by knowing that others might be going through similar experiences. Your local authority will have links to local charities and organisations offering nearby volunteering opportunities. You can take part in these opportunities and contribute to the well-being of your community.
Engage in Self-Compassion Journaling: It can be helpful to document moments of realisation when you recognise the shared human experience in your own life. This can be done with a more comprehensive self-compassion journal, where you note your experiences and are kind to yourself about how you respond to day-to-day situations. I have previously written about this on my blog; you can find more information here.
Using Affirmations for Self-Compassion: In her book ‘Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself’, Dr Kristin Neff discusses a set of affirmations encompassing all aspects of self-compassion, utilising some of the statements from the Compassion Scale mentioned above: “This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”
Embracing Common Humanity is a powerful antidote to the pervasive feeling of isolation in our struggles. It bridges the gap between 'me' and 'them,' fostering compassion, empathy, and a sense of belonging.
References:
Curtis, S. (Ed) (2019) It's Not OK to Feel Blue (and Other Lies): Inspirational people open up about their mental health
Jinpa T. (2016) A Fearless Heart: How the Courage to Be Compassionate Can Transform Our Lives. New York, Hudson Street Press.
Ledoux K. (2015) 'Understanding compassion fatigue: Understanding compassion', Journal of Advanced Nursing, 71(9), pp. 2041–50.
Neff, K. (2011) Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Pommier E. A. (2010) The Compassion Scale, Doctoral dissertation.