Creating a Compassionate Self to Ease Self-Criticism
Self-criticism is a common aspect of human nature, but it can be a powerful force that often leads to a downward spiral of negative thoughts. In this blog post, I will explore the different aspects of self-criticism, its types, and the delicate balance required for a healthy approach. I will draw insights from my recent Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) training and my existing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approach.
Self-criticism can take many forms, ranging from a healthy and constructive self-evaluation to being excessively harsh and judgmental towards oneself. It often involves a dynamic where one part of the self becomes the critic, while another part becomes the criticised. This internal conflict can lead to various mental health issues.
The link between self-criticism and mental health, particularly conditions like depression, is well-established. Constant self-judgment can contribute to feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and despair. It's essential to recognise self-criticism's impact on mental well-being and explore strategies for cultivating a healthier relationship with your thoughts.
While self-criticism may seem counterproductive, it often serves a protective function. It acts as a safety strategy to shield vulnerable parts of ourselves from perceived threats. For instance, the self-critic might emerge when facing potential failure, aiming to motivate and avoid its negative consequences.
I recently attended a training workshop on CFT, which introduced me to a more nuanced approach to dealing with self-criticism. Trying to eliminate the self-critic, which is trying to protect an underlying vulnerability in its own way, can feel threatening. As a result, we are likely to struggle with trying to do so, and in some cases, it may even worsen the situation. Instead of trying to silence the self-critic, CFT focuses on nurturing a compassionate part of the self, which offers a more constructive alternative. This compassionate self acknowledges the self-critic and the underlying vulnerability without judgment, providing support and understanding. The compassionate part of the self is there to protect the vulnerable part, and as such, the self-critic doesn't need to show up so much.
By practising compassion towards oneself, individuals can escape from the cycle of constant self-criticism and cultivate a more positive and nurturing inner dialogue. I frequently discuss the importance of self-compassion with my clients and have also written a few blog posts on the topic, which you can find here:
Self compassion: keeping a self-compassion journal
Turning Isolation into Common Humanity: The Power of Connection in Overcoming Struggles
Embracing the Big I, Letting Go of the Little i's: A Journey to True Identity
During the Compassion-Focused Therapy workshop, Dr Chris Irons, one of the leading researchers and clinicians within this field, led us through an imagery exercise in which we connected with our self-critic and personified it by imagining it outside our body. This exercise was fascinating, though a bit uncomfortable. I realised that I wouldn't want my friends or loved ones to have the same self-critic monster that I have, yet I allowed it to exist inside me. I highly recommend giving this a go for yourself. The basic outline is as follows:
1) Close your eyes as it makes imagining things a little easier
2) Think of a time recently where you critisised yourself
3) Recall some of the things you said to yourself at that moment
4) Imagine that you could move all that self-criticism outside of your head and personify it. Do not use a person from your life to represent your self-critic. When I imagined mine, it was like a little demon made of rock.
5) Focus on how your self-critic looks. Is it smaller or bigger than you? Is it younger or older than you? Is it male, female, or non-binary?
6) Focus on how your self-critic sounds. Hear it saying some of the things you recalled from step 3. What's its voice like?
7) Recognise any emotions that your self-critic is trying to evoke in you. Also, recognise the feelings you feel as you observe your self-critic.
8) Ponder whether your self-critic has good intentions for you and whether it takes joy in your happiness.
You can also do this exercise on paper by writing down the answers to the above or even drawing your inner critic.
This exercise is helpful for several different reasons:
1) Moving it outside your body allows you to distance yourself from it, lessening the blow of what it says to you.
2) When you know what emotions it is sending your way and what feelings come up for you. As a result, you can tailor what you say to yourself when you are offering self-compassion.
3) Recognising that your self-critic potentially has good intentions for you, even if it is going about it in an unworkable way, can help you to offer self-compassion more readily.
I have encountered this process in a training course on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Self Esteem, where monsters were used to depict self-story or self-critic. Instead of fighting with the monster, you accept its existence and develop a new relationship with it, one of acceptance and compassion. I have used this with numerous clients over the last few years, and with the latest knowledge and understanding gained from recent training, I plan to develop it further.
In the follow-up exercise, we created a compassionate part of ourselves and put ourselves in their shoes to reencounter the self-critic, this time recognising the underlying vulnerability. We extended compassion to both the self-critic and the vulnerability. This exercise was very powerful, and it was interesting to see how everything changed. This is something I'll come back to in a future blog post.
Self-criticism is a complex aspect of human psychology closely connected to mental health. Instead of fighting against the self-critic, understanding its protective function can lead to a more compassionate approach. Compassion-focused approaches to therapy and hypnotherapy provide valuable insights, emphasising the importance of creating a supportive internal environment capable of navigating self-criticism and vulnerability. Embracing compassion is the key to promoting mental well-being and personal growth.
To learn more about compassion, pick up a FREE Introduction to Compassion guide here.